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We're here to give you the tools to see a conflict for what it is. We'll show you how to use it as a vehicle to shepherd organizational, family, and team unity. Junctures at which people are not exhibiting the best versions of themselves are turning points—portals for superheroes to save the day and flip the switch from interpersonal tensions to low-stress environments, and even opportunities to find humor in them, too. While our fingers are crossed that you'll prevent a horde of altercations altogether, we want you to have fun playing the superhero as well. We've therefore polished the tips of How to Get Along with Anyone to be as enjoyable as they are empowering.

Lastly, we'd be remiss if we didn't mention that we're also excited about the economic and positive impact you can make. Digest, if you don't mind, a few statistics regarding the volume of time and money sunk into inter-collegial conflict in professional settings:

 

156 The number of hours a salaried employee in the United States annually spends, on average, engaged in moderate to intense workplace conflict that is reported to adversely impact job performance. That adds up to essentially one month of work per year per person.

385 The millions of employee days, nationally, lost each year to conflict and conflict mediation. For frame of reference, if this figure were to be solely concentrated at Amazon (which today employs 1 out of every 153 American workers), the result would be a 100 percent shutdown of the company 350 days per year.

26% The proportion of supervisors' and managers' average time spent on addressing and resolving conflicts that disrupt workflow—essentially more than one full workday each week.

$395 The estimated billions of dollars in annual cost of conflict for corporate America.

To boot, these data points don't incorporate the residual fallout from conflict—for example, cooling off, coworker venting, stress reduction efforts, or taking sick days. Nor do the above numbers factor in the costs of litigation from grievance filings, insurance premium increases, sabotage to projects and equipment, brand reputation hits, and employment roster instability.

If left unresolved, workplace conflict leads to shifts in employee attitudes, behaviors, and interactions that spawn ripple effects to the culture and decreased motivation. As productivity declines, so does job satisfaction. Commitment wanes and morale suffers. Absenteeism increases, eventually resulting in higher turnover, increased hiring and training expenditures, and more frequent, disruptive restructuring.

To say that conflict takes a bite out of the bottom line is possibly the understatement of the year. Yet, alarmingly, fewer than 40 percent of full-time employees in the United States have received any form of conflict resolution training. We are struck by this gap every time we conduct a seminar and hear audience reflections, such as "Holy cow, why isn't this a required course in school?" and "Gosh, if I'd known about Conflict Personality Styles all these years, I wouldn't have been so obsessive about ducking issues with my colleagues!"

Whether you're consuming How to Get Along with Anyone to climb the ladder, break through a glass ceiling, succeed as a leader, or simply get along better with your office compadres; whether you seek to unwrap a riddle or two about quirky associates or friends, or make cocktail parties more interesting, or generally reduce friction in your daily interactions; whether you'd like to improve your win rate in disagreements with your partner or moody sixteen-year-old, or further cement bonds with those you love, or just be a grand master of human behavior—we hope that you find this book equal parts useful and entertaining. We hope, after reading, "difficult" people no longer seem so difficult.

So, without further ado, buckle up your rocket suit for a relationship-enhancing exploration of the bold frontier of conflict psychology!

 

SECTION I

CHAPTER ONE

IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER

Think about a friend or relative of yours suffering from a malady or medical condition.

Though we might wish that the list of debilitating conditions was much shorter, or that our loved ones could be immune from illness, sickness is a fact of life. Crohn's disease, epilepsy, diabetes, depression, back pain, anxiety, chronic migraines, and on and on... mental and physical anguish is no joking matter, life-threatening or not. It breaks our hearts to see a loved one in pain.

Now, imagine, for a second, your loved one being ridiculed for their ailment. It's bad enough to encounter ignorance...the boss of a loved one with colitis not allowing bathroom breaks during a meeting, your family member with depression being "advised" to snap out of it, a perfectly healthy stranger pulling their car into a handicapped parking space. It's a whole other level of frustration to witness someone intentionally poking fun at your loved one for a struggle of theirs that is no fault of their own. Frustration is much too mild of a descriptor.