Today's Reading

Since I believed that about myself, I assumed everyone else believed it too.

He's the shy kid, I figured they must be thinking. I wouldn't want to be his friend. That's a heavy burden for a kid to carry. But I didn't know there were any alternatives.

One day, in my fifth-grade physical education class, we divided up into two teams to play kickball. The captains took turns selecting who they wanted on their team, and soon I was the only one left. The good news is that the captains fought over me. The bad news is that they were fighting to get rid of me. "You take him," one captain said. "No, that's OK," said the other, "You can just keep him."

It was uncomfortable but not unexpected. It simply reinforced what I assumed was true: I was at the bottom of the pecking order among my peers. It was my perception, so it became my reality. I convinced myself that I was just a quiet person; things would always be this way, and there was nothing I could do about it. It also meant I would never be successful because I couldn't be noisier. I saw all the outgoing kids in my school—their success in friendships, in opportunities, and in life—and knew that couldn't be me.

I was stuck, and it didn't seem fair. I wanted to change, but I knew that I couldn't and I had proof: the words of my teacher.


IT'S NOT JUST A KID PROBLEM

Once I hit high school, I learned some coping skills to survive. I was still quiet on the inside, but I figured out how to make a few good friends and connect with them. Outside of that group, I still felt out of place. The popular kids seemed to be the outgoing ones, but I was more reflective. When I found myself in conversations with them, I always struggled to think of quick responses. They would say something, and I had to pause to put my words in order. That hesitation always felt like uncertainty, which reinforced my view of myself.

I remember a guy on the football team asking me a question. It took me a few seconds to put my response together—long enough for him to say, "Why can't you just say what you're thinking? Spit it out!" That paralyzed my thoughts even more, and I can still see him walking away, shaking his head.
 
About thirty seconds later I had formed a perfect, clever response—but he was gone.

Extroverts tend to think faster and shape their thoughts by talking about them. Introverts like me tend to think deeper and shape our words by thinking about them first. In that conversation, I wasn't done thinking. He hadn't started thinking.


NOBODY'S STUCK

Our earliest life experiences form the foundation of our self-image. If introverts are compared to extroverts often enough, they'll see themselves as inferior and in need of change. If they're celebrated, they'll gain a healthy view of their introversion from the start.

Fortunately, a sense of inferiority can be overcome with a healthy exposure to truth at any age. That's what we'll be tackling throughout this book. We'll be challenging inaccurate paradigms and replacing them with true ones. If you still feel like you need to become more extroverted, you're on a certain path toward frustration and failure. Discovering and embracing your introversion is the superhighway to finding your identity and purpose.

You're about to become free.


THANK GOD I'M AN INTROVERT

I love being an introvert. Seriously. I wouldn't want it any other way.

That hasn't always been true. Growing up as an introvert in a world that seemed filled with extroverts wasn't easy, and I wished I could be as confident and outgoing and personable as everyone else appeared to be. I felt out of place, like a sloth living in the monkey exhibit at the zoo.

As we grow up, we see a world where successful people speak easily and know exactly what to say. On television we see talk show hosts, politicians, and celebrities who are fluent communicators. We may notice salespeople, leaders, lawyers, and even hairdressers make conversation easily for hours at a time. Since extroverts are good at talking, they're the ones we hear from the most. That's why it feels like it's an extrovert's world.

But it's not.
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